


hazbin hoes

by jesuschristjasonderulo



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Angel Dust Being Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Cinnamon Roll Charlie Magne, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, Good for them, Husk is So Done (Hazbin Hotel), Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Texting, Valentino Being a Jerk (Hazbin Hotel), alastor does not understand this shit, fuck valentino all my homies hate valentino, husk is a literal tsundere, niffty is precious yet unreasonably chaotic, so much fuckin baggage, these bitches gay, too many memes for old people
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:20:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27393376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesuschristjasonderulo/pseuds/jesuschristjasonderulo
Summary: spiderproviderdickrider: why? u wanna peek~?whiskeywhiskers: No, fuck you.swifferduster: was Husk's fur always red?? ;)whiskeywhiskers: FUCK OFF THATS JUST THE LIGHTING EVERYTHINGS FUCKING RED DOWN HERE
Relationships: Angel Dust/Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Comments: 16
Kudos: 92





	1. old people get confused about cinema references

**Author's Note:**

> rainbowchasingbelle: Charlie
> 
> knifeywifey: Vaggie
> 
> spiderproviderdickrider: Angel
> 
> swifferduster: Niffty
> 
> whiskywhiskers: Husk
> 
> voodoovenison: Alastor

**rainbowchasingbelle added knifeywifey, spiderproviderdickrider, swifferduster, whiskeywhiskers, and voodoovenison to the conversation.**

**rainbowchasingbelle named the conversation HAPPY HOTEL!!! ٩(●ᴗ●)۶**

knifeywifey: hon I love you but this is a bad idea

**whiskeywhiskers has left the conversation.**

**swifferduster added whiskeywhiskers to the conversation.**

swifferduster: Husk!! don't be mean >:(

**spiderproviderdickrider changed knifeywifey's name to bitch.**

**spiderproviderdickrider changed rainbowchasingbelle's name to bitch's bitch.**

spiderproviderdickrider: dont b fucking r UDE vaggie

bitch: I'm dangerously fucking close to reenacting a certain scene from Silence of the Lambs right now

whiskeywhiskers: What?

spiderproviderdickrider: tf is that

bitch: Forgot you're all elderly, my bad

spiderproviderdickrider: HEY FUCK YOU IM NOT THAT OLD

bitch: I don't speak nursing home, sorry

**bitch's bitch changed their name to rainbowchasingbelle.**

**rainbowchasingbelle changed bitch's name to knifeywifey.**

rainbowchasingbelle: c'mon guys this is for chatting! please don't fight!!!  
  
  
  
knifeywifey: Sorry hon, I'll try  
  
  
  
spiderproviderdickrider: now im confused who is whos bitch cmon people clarity  
  
  
  
knifeywifey: I'm not letting you in when you get back  
  
  
  
whiskeywhiskers: heh  
  
  
  
voodoovenison: ḩ̶̩̱̭̬̲͙̮̫̱͙̿̎̂̈́͒ŏ̷̧̨͙̠̼̣͐̈̾͘͜ ̴̧̛̥̭̝̹̹͍̰̠͉̀͌̃͊̓̈̃̍̃̈́̅̍͠ͅȩ̸̼͚͍̻͑͑͒͊̅͗́̏̅̈́̔̇̎͝ḑ̴̧̹̤͎͕͔͎̙̼͓̭̠̠̊̈͑͐̈́̀̊̓͝͝o̶̦͎̯̖͙̔͒̄̕ ̴̘̥̹͈͇̫̻̝͔̺̞͉̒̃̑̈͛͘i̶̢͈̹͙̗̘̪̞͚͛ ̸̺̥͓̪̭͈͍͇̩̲͕̗̜͖̺͒̆̒͂͗̎͠o̵̢͎̮̺͉̪̟̠͖̪̤̹̦͈̍̀p̶̛̭̭̥̖̳͆̆̓͆̓̅̒̐̈́̅e̸̡̘͓̲͎̜͍̼̦̊̊͜͝r̴̗̙͔̘͖̞͂̇̎́͊̅̕a̷͙̩̐̀͐̒͂̒ṫ̵̮̮̳̖͎͖̖̫̤͚̫̚͜e̶͓̩̣̍͂̑̇͒͊̃͗̍͌͘ͅ ̶̧̢̨̛̥̻͈̣͔͍̳͕̭̳̩̠̀̾̉͐̂̄̄̆͗͗̿͑̉j̵̠̰̮̝͖̫̄̉̋͝t̸̨̛͖̩̭͍̙͔̘̮̖͚́͊̽̓̇̾̿͌̄͜͜͠͝͠ḧ̶̤̯͇̦͉̲̝̭̲̣̱̬̟̺͊̇̒̊̌̎͊͐̏̆̋͝ͅi̵̜̱̞͉̪̪̙̓̏̄̑́͊̀̚s̶̨̱͇̻̣̗̱͖̩̰̘͚̰̮̒ ̸̨͉̭̲̘̲͇͈̳̺͊̄͂̂̋̽̋̚͜ͅc̸̖͔̙͗͛͜o̶͈͓̜͓̪͖̒̆̅̈́̔̓͗̆̈͗͗͝n̷̢̙̪̻͉̤̜̘̜̬̜̚f̵̡̧̛̤͇̗̥̝̤̟̿͋͠t̷͕͔̾̍̈́̅̒̿̈́̐͋͌͠ä̷̢̉͝p̴͉̻̞̣͎̭̋͊͌͊̉͂̎̍͂̒̇̇ţ̶̢̨̛͙̟͍̺̲̖̼͈̬͂̍͗̋̓̂̒̅í̵̢̻͙̟̤̂̽̃̓̂ơ̶̱̱͖̝̫̈́̀̾͘ņ̵͈̙̗͖͓̩̥̎̃̃͜  
  



	2. niffty goes sicko mode

rainbowchasingbelle: Good morning everyone! 

swifferduster: good morningI've been up allnight killing rats under the hotel!! ! I think I might've killed a demon instead but he was really small!! and I made coffee but then I drank itall so I had to make another pot but then I remembered that itwasonly 5am and no one was up yet but I saw Angel sneakback in so I asked him i fhe wanted any but he said no so I drank that pot too!!! what color day time is it I have to go shopping!!

voodoovenison: Į̵͇̋̔̔̈́ͅ ̶̢̩̗̜̋͗ģ̵̻̘̙̅̃ǘ̷̗̖́̈́̀̌͜e̸̝̘͕̰̽͑̾̅͝ş̷͇̾̊͊͊́š̴̨̒̐̚ ̸͍̩̝͗͛́͐̚͠y̵̦̞͚̓̋͝o̵̜̮̤͚̟̱̓͘ͅű̸̝̦̱̙̳͋̓͗̍̊̄ ̴̜̙̯͙̟̤̈́̒̐̾̐̊͋c̶̢͋̈́o̷̮̐̆͠u̵̢̫͚̘͙̭͊̔͆͐ḽ̴̟̮͋d̸̥͇̦̱̭̏͑̎͒ ̴̱̐͋̊͝s̸͈͙͈̓̄̾͐̐͑a̴̞̞̖̘͑̽͋̎͝͝y̸̨̛̌̒̚ ̶̰͌́̍͘͠N̶̦̗͠i̸̮̘̠͚͇͒͒f̴̫̘͖̖̹̲̝̿̑̏̿̄͌͘f̸̰̩̺̺͚̗̲̊̃̿̀̊t̶̹͎̺͔̠̪̄͛y̴͎̮̼̋̿͆̒ ̵̖͎̼̙͉͌ẖ̸̘̟͙̭̜́̂̆͋͗̇̓a̷͉͑̓͋͝s̵̛̜̐̾̓̔̇͘ ̶͍̗̤̤̘͗͆̿ͅa̷͉͛́ ̵̜̮̗̘͕̟̔̓͗͒l̷̡̝̗͚͊̏̆͐a̶̤͂͝t̷̩͍͙̝̒͑͝ͅṭ̶̛̻͓̈̿̈́̓̅ę̴̹̄̇̃̍ ̸̢̥͖̪̐͊̔͊̈́o̵̖̅̈́͗͑f̵̡̫̞̗̱̗̄ ̶̱̫͕̣̔̍͐͗͂é̵̺̌̅̍̇̽͝n̵̦͕̙̺̣̊̅͋e̵̢̹̪͇r̵̳̝͉͖͍̘͔̓̃̑̎g̷͙̝̥͙̩͚̔̌̓̆ẏ̴̡̺̜͔͐͌̌̇!̷͉̟̼̼̌̈́͂̑̓̇

spiderproviderdickrider: if speedballin was a person 

rainbowchasingbelle: ...remind me to buy some decaf.

whiskeywhiskers: Go ahead, it won't slow her down much.

knifeywifey: Angel.

spiderproviderdickrider: thats pcp to you vags

knifeywifey: Care explaining why you came home at 5am despite the curfew being 12?

spiderproviderdickrider: just giving the people what they want

spiderproviderdickrider: few dick appts lined up, not my fault this ass is in high demand <3

whiskeywhiskers: Jesus Christ.

voodoovenison: H̴͉̖͉̱̖͉͛̋̿̾͋e̸̳̗̮̘̮͌̃̃̕ ̷̹̱͑̀c̴̻̱̈́͗͒͌͗̈ä̵̬̺̤̚n̸̨͎̖͔̺̎͊͐̈́͂̋ͅ'̸̢̧̛͈̙́̓̒́t̵̥͙̟͇͑̓͝͝͝ ̸̼̟͔͉̙̓̊̓h̷͔̬̤͈͖͇̯͆̿̓͋̑͒ȇ̵͚͉͊̎͐̒l̵̼̫͉̾̐̒̍͠͠p̷̢͈͔̕ ̸͓̠͗̔͗͋̓y̶̧̜̹͖̓͌̌̎ó̸̥̞̠̝ừ̶̢͇͕̙̺̞̝͐͘͝͠ ̷̡͔̩̻̪̫̊̔̓̔̕ͅn̴͍̦͈̥̩͔͑̿̊̈͒͛̕͜õ̴̮͊̄͒͝w̴̞̦̳̫͎͒̉͌͝!̷̗̰̊̒̓͠

spiderproviderdickrider: why? u wanna peek~?

whiskeywhiskers: No, fuck you.

swifferduster: was Husk's fur always red?? ;)

whiskeywhiskers: FUCK OFF THATS JUST THE LIGHTING EVERYTHINGS FUCKING RED DOWN HERE


	3. remember bob from good luck charlie bc we need him to exterminate a rat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xplosive: Cherri

knifeywifey: We have a group session planned for 4 this afternoon. If any of you hijo de putas are late I'll decapitate you.  
  
  
  
whiskeywhiskers: Bien, perra.  
  
  
  
knifeywifey: QUE TE DEN  
  
  
  
rainbowchasingbelle: i've heard enough of Vaggie's rants to know that isn't nice!!! it's okay, we can talk about it at the session!!! :)  
  
  
  
spiderproviderdickrider: srry, cant make it today toots  
  
spiderproviderdickrider: boss called in  
  
  
  
rainbowchasingbelle: oh...well, that's okay! try to make it next time?  
  
  
  
knifeywifey: He never does. Angel, take this seriously  
  
  
  
spiderproviderdickrider: aint up to me. bUT  
  
spiderproviderdickrider: my best bitch can fill in  
  
  
  
**spiderproviderdickrider added xplosive to the conversation.  
  
  
  
  
**xplosive: sup bitches  
  
  
  
spiderproviderdickrider: anyway gtg   
  
  
  
  



	4. CHRIMBO

rainbowchasingbelle: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!! (ノ ◐ ᴗ ◐ )ノ  
  
  


voodoovenison: Ỉ̥t͎̯͌͡'͇̑s̝ ̫̆t̡̥̫̓̀̆hē̹͎̻͇̦̽͋̍͌ ̞̅f̲̃̕ͅi̧͂r̠̱̝̰͂̅́͌st̺͠ ̩̅w͇̠͗͌e̪̝̞͆͊͋̂͜e̢̤̘̰͑̔͂̈́k̺̥͑̒̒͢ ͍̘̏͒̇͟o̲̓̐ͅf̢̛̺̻̹̓̋̔ ̰͗D̘̞̱̳̩͒̋̚͠͡e̮̅c̽͢e̤͎̎͑m̧͂b̹̙̖͑̀̀e͖̽͊͜ṛ̖̼͖͂̎͆̚͞ͅ!͎̌

whiskeywhiskers: Fuck's sake, for once I agree with the smiley freak.

swifferduster: DID SHE STUTTER?

rainbowchasingbelle: I don't thi n k I di d! !! (◣_◢)

knifeywifey: it's best to just let this run it's course, there's no stopping her now.

spiderproviderdickrider: why tf is there so much leaf shit

rainbowchasingbelle: me and niffty decorated today!

spiderproviderdickrider: its literally 8 am,,,,when

whiskeywhiskers: As soon as it turned midnight the gremlins rose.

xplosive: that sounds like a prophecy 

voodoovenison: I'͕̭͞͡ḋ̪ ͖͉͌̓̀͢a͍͇͆͘d͇̱͐̉͡ͅv͇͆ǐ̻̗̖̇̇sẽ̮̭͉̣̫̽͗͝͞ ̫͗y̛͙̦̼̅͒̚͜o̩̪̽́ȕ̪͍͇̼̍̌̓ ̨͠a̧̦̪̿̏͊l̮͠l̩̎̆͢ ͓͒t̩͇̐̉ö̦́ ͇͡k̤̻͕̿̂͡ḙ̐e̛̹p̚ͅ ̧͓̮̫̍̅̄̉y͔͕̫̍̌̕oŭ̡̼̟̘̝̆̿͞ȑ͓̖͖͈̆̌͢͡ ̡͓̥̟̈́͂͡͠d̜͇̥̟̋̇͘͘i̩̝̋̀s̨͎̻̬̏̂̒̐t̙̿à̞̞͓̽̕n̡̟͕̯̆̾͛c̡͙̄͠ẻ̮̺͔̣͌͗̔! ̨̜̦̦̋̂͝͡T̫̦̈͝h̹̋e ̠͙̊̕l̢̨̺̯̔͌̂̋a̞͇͚̔͛̕d͚͚̰̓̄̚ͅi̮̐e͐ͅs̛̥̺͗ ̫̦̼̇̓͊̀͢ả̦̘̙͓͌̊l͍̆͢͡m͕̪̦̫͎̽̊̎͛̾ỏ̧̮͈̪̫̂̆̿̓ś̢̡̥̥̊̋t̲͙̗̀̄̀ ͎̲̙̼̍̀̊͆ _sl̮̉ė̻i̗̞̘͉͗̇͌͠g͍̜̥͎̍̎́͞ͅh̳̰͕͇̃͠͡͞e͎̦͗͗̈͜d̳̮̋͝ ͈̒_ m̝̟̮̟͂̑̾͝ê̛̖͍̭̼͒͒̍͢ ̝͕̤̰͒̈͞͡w̬͊͋͟i̢̨̡̙̮͌͑̀͋͒t̢̢̤͆͋͊h̔͟ ̢̘̓̕ţ̒h͇͒͟è̘̬̘͖̈́̕͝ī͈͍͍͒̚r̠͙͇̘̝̓̉͐̓͡ ̗̜̎̓e̠͚̝̋͛̆̔͟ẍ̟̘̱́̿̓̕͜ci̘͋͌͜tê̙m̩͂ȩ͔̠͊̔̓̚͜n̗͇͓̰̾͂̎͞ẗ̞!̧̻͍͍̔̄̈́̚̕

swifferduster: I'll take more than an eye next time you grinch!!!

spiderproviderdickrider: if the cold ass weather doesnt kill me this will


	5. mistletoe more like missile hoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idea by Wintergreen_Tictac, tysm!!!

whiskeywhiskers: Okay this shit is too far  
  
  
  
rainbowchasingbelle: what's the problem? did Al take your whiskey again?  
  
  
  
voodoovenison: Ī̴̧͓̞̞̯͖͙̭̭̹͇̲̜̲͖͒̋͑̌̿̈́̆͘͝ ̶̛͎͙̰̬͕̥͎̣̖̒̍̊͋̀̓͗͜͝ȕ̴̧̼͔̬̣͗̇̀ś̷̗̩̖͕̘̉̃̎̇͆̋̐͆͂̓̔͘͠͝e̵̡̤̭͚̹̺̭͒̎̍̀ ̵̨̞͔̻̺̟͙̫̻̬̦̺̏̈̂̇̐̉̾̂͘͜͠ḯ̴͕͓̈́̃̓͗͒̈́̄͒̾̑͑͠ť̶̟̪̙͗̇̉͘͝ ̴̡̡͓͖̠̳͍̖̟̮̥̯͒̔̅̓̓͘t̷̢̡̝͓̜̭̘̮̻͌͊̈́ợ̶̢̨͙̠͙̰̟͈̜͔̱̾̅̓̉͝ ̶̧͇͈̳̜̯͎̞̪̮̳̯̮͆͋̀̒̍̋̄̅̚ç̷̢̢̩̙̤̺̞̙̂̓̕l̸̨̨̧͎͔̟͉̪̗͍̫͙̥̂̒̇͊͑͌e̵͔̯̺̣̒a̷̪̞̝̟͇͍̮͎͖͍͇̟̍̿n̸̩̫̓̒̊̓̔͆ ̸̡̞̻͚̦̠̲͎̰͔̣̥̏̽͜͜͠m̴̨͖̺̗͉͋̃́̒̓̑̊́͗̈́͌̕̕͝͝y̴̹̹͈̜͛̏̈́ ̸̜̐̽̔̽͑̀̋́s̴̳̼̻̺̭̗̋̀̀̿̀̿̽o̶̦͂̾̆̒̓̇̉̚̚͝ĉ̸̡͖̙͇̭̝ķ̶̬̞̙̺̱̱͕́̓̑̅̇̈́̉̃̿̄̂̆̍s̸̼͉̦̝͙͓͔͓̻̽̈̈́̊̊̐͌̆̃̿̿!̴̡͍̙̈̒̿͘  
  
  
  
knifeywifey: Can you not be a total psycho for two minutes?  
  
  
  
whiskeywhiskers: I'm gonna ignore that. But I'm talking about the green plant shit on my fucking bar.  
  
  
  
swifferduster: ooo, is it mistletoe??? you know what that means!!!! <33333  
  
  
  
spiderproviderdickrider: oh no who could have forseen this outcome  
  
  
spiderproviderdickrider: on a completely unrelated note i need a drink  
  
  
  
whiskeywhiskers: Don't you fucking dare.   
  
  
  
spiderproviderdickrider: hey, cant argue with tradition  
  
  
  
xplosive: it is what it is  
  
  
  
whiskeywhiskers: I will be so mad if you do it but I guess it is tradition.  
  
  
  
knifeywifey: Very subtle Husk  
  
  
  
swifferduster: angelhuskkiss.png  
  
  
  
whiskeywhiskers: STOP  
  
  
  
knifeywifey: Mad he went for the cheek and not the lips?  
  
  
  
spiderproviderdickrider: i'll aim better next time ;)  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot twist: it wasn't actually mistletoe, just a pot leaf with two red hots stuck to it


End file.
